A few quiet words

We used to be a nation that would willingly give up our place in any queue for anyone we felt to be in greater need. Now we seldom do so when the need is visibly greater. What happened?

With news of our beloved NHS in crisis along with concerns on how one can safely report abuse or any crime; it is little wonder that we in the United Kingdom are confused and still panicking.

We should remember that our sufferings are as nothing to many other nations around the globe. There are nations that have longer histories of turmoil as both governments and people alike wrestle, like us, for a compromise solution that is workable and acceptable for the majority. In the West we remain baffled that Communist nations can and do largely coexist in some state of harmony because it is a necessity in order to function at all. Democracy, just like Communism, is but tyranny when it is forced on anyone. If we are to retain our respect from other nations we have to demonstrate patience, tolerance and above all fortitude.

"Discretion is the better part of valour"

Legalities

For our own judiciary systems to review laws and make changes for the better requires discreet reports through the proper channels and not via the media. EVERY media report risks prejudicing the jury prior and during a trial. However it is extremely difficult for genuine victims of abuse to have the confidence to come forward unless such things are reported. Why though can we not go back to reporting retrospectively once a jury has made it's decision? 

The difficulty is made more complex when investigators of the suspected crime (whatever it is - it need not be abuse) has to appeal to the public for witness statements. Again, while appeals can be done via the media, sadly it constantly also acts as a trigger for some who see it as an opportunity to harm innocent people by falsely accusing them of crimes they did not commit. Personally I always work on the premise that if the investigation team and the judiciary want more evidence, they will not slow in asking for it. There will no doubt be more debates on whether both or neither party are named prior to trial. Personally I would think it would be better to name neither unless more witness statements are needed. Then in most cases both parties should be named as a general rule.

There must always be caveats (exceptions) for the most extreme cases where victims are so traumatised that they would rather be dead than ever be forced to name and shame anyone. I have felt that way myself thanks to interference from many and not just the media throughout my life, but I have never stopped reporting serious life threatening crime or serious levels of bullying of any kind. Reporting of any crime or indeed any fault in health, police or the judicial system itself has to be started in a private way without reference to anyone else and always needs to continue that way regardless of barriers. Just because one person does not believe you it does not follow that no one will, so long as you are not lying. 

Medicinally

To date no one has ever perfected lying totally. All that has happened is that people have been too afraid to stand up to major liars, cheats and bullies. As but another species on the planet, when we hear our own instincts we know a liar instantly. With all this noise though our natural senses and sense of reason often gets sidetracked and all but forgotten as something to draw upon to guide us.

Throughout the Christmas period I regrettably had to call upon a medical crisis team on several occasions. I myself cannot be objective enough to determine with that much accuracy how critical my own condition is due to the news in the media which disturbs me constantly. If I avoid the media then I am swamped with the same when out shopping more often than not. 

As a former health care worker I at least was able to ease matters a little by being the first responder at a RTA (car crash) but the effect on my own health has been profound. I witnessed first hand the toll it was taking on the paramedic and police officer that attended. The elderly casualty had been in the medical profession too, ironically in mental health. They had not been drinking and was not in anyway under the influence of anything that would normally deem them unfit to drive. They were extremely lucky this time - only their car died. 

The brutal truth is that the more we listen and watch scenes that disturb us, the more we will become disturbed and put added pressure on all our lifesaving services and on the judiciary system too. We have a duty of care to everyone. It comes with adulthood and it starts with ensuring we take full responsibility for our own conduct at all times. Pretending we cannot do so 99% of the time is a lie. We can all do so to a much higher level when we have to. We have to now. All of us, including me. 

It takes practise but I know my fellow Brits well enough - I know we can and will succeed. We just have to constantly remind ourselves to be calm to be able to function better not least in making more of an effort in not doing anything at all to excess when it is avoidable. The exceptions are to rest and laugh often to retain mental well being. Regular exercise and the right diet for our own metabolisms will aid in the stamina we all need to see our way clear of these crazy and highly dangerous times. We might well need that extreme energy for something far worse that what we are witnessing now. Better to pace ourselves I think. Wiser to do so. 

The victors of both World Wars did so because they were able to be discreet when required. It would seem we have need to deploy that method once more. Other nations take note... if they wish to. 

Article: The greater part of communication - listening

With both Irish and Yorkshire ancestry I could win an Olympic Gold for talking for England - bluntly. Sensitively blunt is how I often describe myself. In the business world we need both skills to be able to work effectively. However, I was born and have lived for most of my life in the south of England where curious communication habits have developed.

I am not a fan of jargon, abbreviations, acronyms, marketing spin or irrelevant waffle as a general rule. A spade is a spade not a manual earth transference device or METD for short! People who delight in looking down their noses at those who do not know the jargon or acronyms I find irritating as they either way they are on some private ego boosting trip of their own or into power mongering in my humble opinion (IHMO). My tendency is to invent a few terms of my own to remind them that they do not know everything and that they too are learners. I guess that's my mischievous Irish side.

That said industries develop a short-hand to help increase the speed by which information can be relayed and certain types of media such as Twitter and texting sometimes merit that short-hand. Then there are affectionate pet names for things which get to be common parlance such as grellies instead of grelcos or hoovers instead of vacuum cleaners. I happen to know that some parts of the IT industry in particular loves inventing quite rude acronyms to keep 'those in the know' happily amused and focussed on their work - fear not they are safely tucked away from the gaze of the public. As we acquire knowledge so the terms we use with our colleagues adapts.

We are also human so general chit-chat is I feel, an important and necessary element to include in a healthy working environment. We cannot gauge when is the right time to approach our superiors or when to inform a member of staff about anything without taking into account how busy they are or what mood they are in. If we want to work in a happy and more productive environment it makes sense to take an interest in everyone we work with anyway.

So, while I am a staunch advocate in working purely with facts, I also advocate ensuring those facts are placed in context as it helps inform decisions on not only what is the most appropriate route forward but also how a task should be actioned. Wording is crucial to effective communication... rumour has it that's why people get trained in the art of marketing as they should be the best at it at all times. However, no one is perfect 24 hours a day, every day (24/7).

A pause of my Irish prattling... time to illustrate a different communication style - that Yorkshire bluntness.

How to listen effectively

Fact: learnt in studies on counselling.

1. Applicable to all verbal communication but also some written forms.
2. The acid test on whether or not you have listened is to list all the adjectives (describing words such as productive, proactive lovely and successful) used by the person you were supposedly listening to. Oh, you think 'successful' is a factual statement do you? It is always a subjective (personal) perspective.
3. Adjectives provide clues to where that person is coming from, what they know and what their preferred style of communication is.
4. To hone and develop those skills, go on an Introduction to Counselling course.

Please note: this does not in any way imply that you have understood a single word you have heard!

Body Language
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is but one form of learning how to read body language - there are plenty of others. Subconsciously we all pick up on body language, it's how we get our 'vibes' about others. We are often totally wrong in the detail because as humans we interpret our information according to what we have experienced ourselves and by what we choose to believe those experiences tell us about others.

Body language does at least give us a starting point - it's usually pretty obvious if someone is in pain, stressed, happy, excited, interested, unimpressed or bored from body language on its own. The 'why' behind those signals is where we err. To find out, try asking! In the working environment though it is not always either appropriate to ask or to tell people why they are interested or unimpressed. Different work situations require each person to behave differently in a set of generally understood (for the most part) but hardly ever voiced rules of conduct.

If a person is making a pitch for you to give them business their body language might say that they are unimpressed and bored with you. If so, you're not likely to stop and ask why!

Again to fully understand body language requires proper in depth training on a dedicated course.

The written word
Listening also applies to all forms of written communication. We can gain insights by noting the order in which information is conveyed, the vocabulary used, the structure (bullet pointed lists, paragraphed statements etc) and of course by what is missed out. Reading between the lines (i.e. interpreting what is put) again is at our own risk - we might be wrong. Omissions might be because of the writer being ill, distracted or phenomenally busy. Again and again I find I regularly have to remind people not to assume but to seek facts by asking for clarification.

I was tempted to now go on to how to put all this together by providing a myriad of examples listening skills and apply it to the above key areas of verbal, body language and written communication. However I feel it would be an insult to my reader's intelligence to do so and it is against my policy to spoon fed anyone anyway. Empowerment means providing the tools for people to do things for themselves.

A single example
I will leave you with one recent example though which covers all three. A volunteer offered their services to a charity. They were invited to an interview and the charity was delighted with them. On leaving the volunteer said that they were looking forward to helping in the ways discussed but beyond that they would want to be paid for their assistance. They later badly reinforced this with an email. The charity did not like this attitude even though many volunteer positions are the precursor to paid employment when positions become available. The result was the volunteer was rejected. Had the charity taken time to listen carefully or get clarification in writing from that email things might have turned out differently so that both parties would have profited from the arrangement.

The volunteer was so angry with the charity that I suggested they contact the head of it as I doubt they would be pleased. I also ensured that the volunteer understood that the person they were interviewed by was perhaps not the best person to represent the charity or its policies on volunteers. Fortunately the individual still believes in the charity but whether or not they have written to the head of it, I have no idea. I kind of hope so though as I loathe potential going to waste and it sounded like both parties had a lot to offer each other. Ah well... "Nowt as strange as folk" as my Yorkshire ancestors would say.

Even at its best language can only ever be an approximation of meaning, but by asking for clarification we greatly reduce misunderstandings and thereby costly errors in time, money, resources, stress levels and worthwhile relationships. Listening helps us all acquire more accurate and information to help shape our decisions. If avoidance of misunderstandings is ever a goal, investing time in letting others speak is an absolute must. That's how great things (miracles) can begin!