Article: Punch - trade secrets revealed

It's a funny thing that one of the many things we all agree on is how we loathe poor business practises in it's myriad of forms from bad HR departments through to aggressive sales practises and appalling customer services, yet the maxim is, "there is no such thing as bad publicity." I would beg to differ as enough bad publicity really ought to result in any organisation, enterprise or business failing or at least result in it being overhauled sensibly in the case of government departments and services to the public.

When you make contact with such organisations and services you often waste your phone bill waiting for someone to answer or waste time and money on emails and letters sent to either get no response at all, abusive response or fobbed off entirely. Such practises should indicate that the service (or product) is not worth the hassle of seeking via that supplier. Things become more difficult when there is no alternative e.g. health, education, utility sectors etc. 

If you finally get through often you find the people responding don’t have a clue what you are talking about because they ‘haven’t been trained yet’ or are ‘only temps’ and ‘it’s not MY fault’. Of course it is... you didn’t have to accept the job with no training with ANY company or engage with any enterprise that only employs lobotomised baboons for staff because that is what it’s actually run by. Then again when that's the only work you can get what can you do? You can complain to the authorities that regulate as that is what they are there for and the media is only too happy to support you in that.

If you’re financially stable enough and a humane being you would just leave and take your chances with the people YOU respect. In the case of government we voted them into power or let get in there by other means such as disinterest, fear and apathy.

When you finally calm down enough to explain the problem you often are told that they have ‘never heard it before’ and can’t understand what on earth you are talking about. BULLSHIT. They hear it all the time AND it’s what they complain about all the time  themselves! Does it change anything... er no. At least, not as often or as speedily as it should in the case of larger organisations who can afford to lose thousands of customers a day by being rude to them or non-responsive... or can they? From supermarkets to mobile phone providers, customers are getting increasingly adept at naming and shaming and voting with their purses and wallets.

When organisations do a fix of the problem it can get worse, so they do another fix based on the bad practises they started with to make matters worse. So you go to their competitor and it it can be the same story but with more buttons and prettier and more plentiful flashing lights! If your computer program does not work in so far as being able to save things or edit things without a glitch do you REALLY think all those bright new shiny flashy things on your NEW gadget will work any better? I mean really, do you?

How often do you use the extra shiny flashy things anyway? The more we have the more confused we get! At this rate chalk, slate and carrier pigeons will soon be the height of fashion again so it’s best to invest in them early if you want to make a killing financially.

Oh... and then there’s the accounts department that never compensates you and we wonder why we end up in a financial crisis when we refuse to spend what money we have and just stuff it under our matresses instead.

It's as if, if we’re not corrupt we are inefficient, if we’re not inefficient we’re stupid and if we are not any of those we are having a breakdown which puts extra strain and pressure on poor sods like me who’s duty it is to mop up and fix things properly only we can’t now because we all just want to have our breakdowns en masse in piece and quiet thereby transferring the pressure and mayhem to someone else for them to take their turn at having a breakdown later. Er... that ain't gonna help.

“Anyone for Beachy Head,” was actually a comment from a brilliant finance manager (now Finance Manager/Venue Manager/Ops Manager/Tech Manager and assistant to the Managing Director of the entire company due to cuts!) But they and the company are still going because they are that determined to succeed and overcome every challenge that comes their way. At the time I said we’d need a convoy of double decker buses to get to Beachy Head at least! (Beachy Head has the reputation of being a prime location for committing suicide for those of your that don't know).

Nothing much changes and what does, does so slowly except when people panic.

Well to ensure things change for better more rapidly I’ve come up with a cunning plan that may, or may not involve... a turnip (ref: Blackadder TV series). It depends on whether or not it needs inserting sideways I think. Then again a caber might be better for some customer service, HR and finance alleged professionals.

And it is simply this... I think what we perhaps need is a name and shame customer service blog site that is owned by everyone to cheer us all up and it would help vent some of our frustrations SAFELY without actually killing anyone. No, I didn’t say I would kill anyone with anything... actually being from Irish and Yorkshire descent rather than a turnip, I would most likely opt for something like a shellalagh smeared in pigeon droppings inserted sideways and send in a ferret with a potato to fetch it out again ready for the next arsehole as punishment. I like to be thorough and think ahead. It was the way I got inspired by proper professionals.

Anyway... I was thinking something rather like this... only with much larger boxes to fill in. It’s how I keep my records. I am very sneaky because I then go off and tell regulatory bodies first about bad practises and breaches in the law as prevention is always better and cheaper than cure... and there's always tweeting to the Prime Minister if you have a rotten MP or government department.

Here's just a couple of minor examples from my archives... Blurb.com will be named and shamed next year in full unless it gets it's act together beforehand. I'm over 70 emails of complaints in and they have stopped responding altogether over some basic errors that could be easily corrected if they had wit enough to bother.

Company	Contact	Problem	When	How	Who	Responses	Why	Outcomes	Resolved
Hermes		Poor strategic planning and non-payment of staff who were trying to save them money by coming up with something better	2 years before and during the Olympics 2012
Fed Ex		Poor delivery of goods as customer could not leave signed authorisation note in the street to be blown away or stolen	Oct 2013

I also research the CEO’s history and then nudge the media behind the scenes so everyone can see where we at with regard to making services and company policy and procedures work for customers and service users!

It's far quicker than going through the hassle, time, money and expense of court procedures. I mean let’s face it and be honest, trial by media really has something going for it these days, doesn’t it? AND it has the added benefit of making us feel a whole lot more secure too as others are only too eager to pipe up about their bad experiences and it's all highly theraputic to begin with at least. With all these oh so necessary, must have devices and channels we won’t be short of options to name and shame anything publicly ever again. Just one tiny weeny snag with all that though...

ALL THIS TECHNOLOGY STILL DOESN’T WORK AS IT SHOULD ANYWAY. Internet of things = Internet of dreams is more akin to the internet of doom, despair, rant and vitriol and personal abuse unless you can phrase things politely, ethically and with logical argument... it takes practice and I have still not reached perfection on this myself. Being human I don't expect to either.

Brains the size of planets? 

(Ref Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, book film, radio and TV series). It can be more like brains the size of fossilised car parks obliterated by all known chemical weaponry and nuclear bombs! I mean, why don’t scientists and inventors behave as such and get opinions first from the point-of-sale customers that will use their marvellous products and services because be assured they can tell you what risks, hazards and potential dangers there are if you ASK them first. Doh!

What I would like science to do before proceeding with any more bright ideas to drive us all insane, violent, to mass suicide or war is to anticipate outcomes more, prior to release of products perhaps with all governments kicking their arses all the way.

So to help with all of that... we need new form of course... As it happens here’s one I prepared earlier, and we the public could get to monitor progress for once... as it happens!

Item to fix	By what date	Why not done	Who’s being sacked	Why not sacked	Is it fixed, if answer is no companies funding by every means possible
Customer service
Website
PC program
Finance
Credit Control
New product or invention
New service

What we also need of course is a list of employers that are breaking the laws of every land for NOT complying with them for all the things they do wrong with money. Personally I will leave you to design that one for yourselves for the list of categories stretches from here to infinity for all eternity and beyond... or so it seems to me. But what would I know, I and my former colleagues in health care only have to patch you AND the transgressors up all the time.

“Which currency would you like to pay for your health, social services, charities and ‘benefits’ in? Blood, death, war or cash sirs?"

 Mindwalking

However, here are just a few of the more notable names in my historic list so far of those who have not abided by the law or who have tried to sue me for things which were not my fault. ALL of whom I have reported to the appropriate authorities already and being historic cases I cannot comment on their practises now.

Tangelo Designs from Barton-le-Clay (non payment of work)

Leisure Connections, Hertfordshire and Bedfordshire (breach of employment law, non payment of work)

Luton Borough Council (breach of employment law, awful HR department)

Aylesbury Vale District Council (breach of employment law)

Rushmere Wynne plc (Corrupt business practises, company long since taken over YAY!)

The list continues to grow. Still outstanding for reforms which are under way is of course...

Department of Work and Pensions (non payment of entitled benefits)

It remains to be seen as to whether or not the current overhaul will fix the basic essentials properly or not. So far it isn't for too many people. Then we'll have an election which may or may not result in it all being changed back to what it was before again I suppose. And they call this progress! 

I can say all this because to me it matters not how or when I die, others will ensure that these matters are resolved eventually. It would be nice to think that the solutions come in time to prevent the casualty list of those who suffer or die as a consequence of badly conceived ideas getting longer. What is vital here is for our governments to ensure that all organisations DO abide by the ethical laws of their lands when it comes to business practises so perhaps they will take this suggestion... 

Dear Governments

Please make it easier for everyone to report illegal practises by providing us all with the necessary vehicles to do so and the appropriate regulatory authorities to force compensation out of those who cause the financial abuse of others to the detriment of the whole economy globally. Perhaps several dedicated websites to that purpose might help. #Justsaying, #justanidea. 

High time that nice companies, enterprises and organisations ALWAYS finished first. High time that in the event of economic collapse there are safeguards in place to prevent community services, vital to the health of any nation ever being in any jeopardy of failing to save lives and prevent suffering.

Just because things have always been this way does not mean they have to remain in chaos. We all have a part to play in preventing disasters no matter what our role, position, background or personal circumstances may be. I am a 'positive possibilitist' I hope, dear readers, you are too. 

Keep calm, keep focused, be considerate of all and above all play nicely and fairly and maybe we can eradicate corruption, cruelty, poverty and abuse of all kinds from our planet in as little as 100 years. For that to happen it requires teamwork as never before as we now live in a world that is totally connected financially. What we now need to do is be in agreement ethically. What matters is not what mistakes are made, but how we resolve them sensibly for a healthy future for every individual on this beautiful planet so that all may achieve something of their true potential. Good luck everyone in that endeavour for all may profit, each according to their abilities and desires. Luckily not everyone wants to be the richest or most powerful person on the planet anyway, so why the fear that the rank and file want their jobs? Daft is what I call it. 

Research File: Part 2 - Jobsites for the Disadvantaged

Huge apology: to all those who have been waiting for this list and most of all to the followers who I just haven’t got the time and energy left to list. By 'followers' I mean those I have followed on Twitter regardless of whether or not they have reciprocated. That to me is irrelevant so long as everyone is helping the most disadvantaged in as many legal, ethical, caring, compassionate, efficient and above all, safe ways as possible. 

A warning about campaigning for rights

I have been doing my best to fight for the rights of the most vulnerable for a long time now – let my recent health problems serve as a warning to all. Never attempt to fight for rights on your own even when you have powerful connections. Those connections will never come out in the open when the world is this hostile if it jeopardises in any way whatsoever their own sterling efforts elsewhere which are usually far better established and therefore already recognised. Better to never ask them than risk losing their efforts too.

As before, I take no responsibility for how good or bad these services are; much depends on how receptive people are to accepting help and how good individual members of staff are. When it comes to staff though, it is ENTIRELY the employers responsibility to train employees properly and support not only their learning but, to do all they can to avert stress to ensure they can continue to be brilliant staff. Pressure, in my honest opinion, is a good thing as from it we exceed our own expectations and perceived limitations. Stress is very bad as it is a sign of overloading and target driven peformance and is therefore often not a good idea when it comes to the well being and welfare of others. Health before wealth is never more important than when it comes to empowering the disadvantaged.

When it comes to the disadvantaged though it gets rather complicated to legislate and be fair precisely because everyone is different and therefore everyone has very particular, individual and bespoke needs. Smaller organisations (staff wise), in my experience tend to fair better on delivery for this reason as the more personal the service is, the more bespoke it becomes and the higher the rate of success. It explains why smaller care facilities housing smaller groups of people have steadily emerged and grown in popularity. When it comes the housing the most in need that's perfect, but as to other services...

As stated in a tweet, not everyone who is disadvantaged wants to use the support services on offer simply because they do not ever wish to be seen as victims or as being in anyway vulnerable. Name me someone who isn’t vulnerable, disabled or not? This is why Part 1 of these Jobsite lists was for everyone. 'Disabled' is a word I detest with a purple passion when it comes to people – far better it was only used for inanimate things. I loathe it being used for people as it instantly puts others in the wrong frame of mind with regard to viewing their fellow humans simply for being different from ourselves. The word implies limits. Again, name me someone who hasn’t got them! 

Being flat footed I doubt I would ever have made a world class footballer, although that is more to do with my lack of interest than what is possible as last year’s Paralympics more than amply demonstrated. This time last year most of us able-bodied Brits were wondering whether it would even be worth watching and were quite prepared to laugh at what we saw as well as cringe. Have we changed as a result of what we saw? I did... I thought I had respect for the 'disabled' before... now I am just blown away by them. What to me remains sad about the Paralympics is that while great strides (pardon the pun), have been made to aid paraplegics, the blind, the deaf etc a huge barriers to accessing these wonderful resources persist and that barrier is extremely complex; doubly so if we think of it in psychological terms as well. 

Top of the list of impediments to progress is finance of course. We are living in dark times financially and in a world where people are still commonly perceived to be unable to contribute through work due to health reasons, people don’t want to spend the time and money to empower them to be able to. Am I wrong? Bizarre when one thinks that if no one had we would not have the likes of Stephen Hawkings or the benefit of his brain power to unlock many a scientific mystery and it is after all science we rely on most to help solve health problems of all kinds, right? Therefore it is illogical and unethical in the extreme not to help all the disadvantaged find their of communicating and contributing to our world, which includes the homeless, the mentally ill and many others that you never noticed at the Paralympics. How many great talents have we missed due to such ‘retarded’ thinking throughout all history so far? How many are we missing right now that could sort out the economic crisis in a minute or global warming or... who knows? We DO NOT know unless WE try harder to help them share what they know. 

I am disgusted that despite my own best efforts this list is so woefully short. Quite frankly it shouldn’t be. Therein lies the real crux of the problem – prejudice, fear of the unknown and stigma of all kinds has to stop as it costs nations so much money to maintain for it only ever serves to escalate and self-perpetuate problems. Remember that this is all for the lack of wit for the investment required.

Do we prefer negative equity situation and bottomless financial pit OR do we prefer a positive profit situation where everyone can contribute in some way for the good of the economy and of its nation’s health. IF we can get it right then that really would be a win/win situation as people want to feel valued and want to feel needed regardless of how many limbs they have, learning difficulties, mentally illness, blindness, deafness, homelessness, addiction problem or being mute etc. THIS IS A UNIVERSAL FACT - so please world... let’s help all can we and stop wasting any more time over it.

Oh... I went of topic again... I can't think why. Maybe it's because I am not convinced that enough people are smart enough yet to recognised the wisdom of supporting the most in need. Back to why people choose different methods and routes of support, (as it if shouldn't already be obvious)! 

Some disadvantaged people prefer dedicated employment services tailored to their disadvantages to empower them, hence this list. Phew

THE LIST - PLEASE BUILD IT!

By far the best general source of information I found was BASE; hence it’s top of the list, whether it’s had time to update since I last looked, I simply don’t know. As before all links were working when I found them... heaven knows if they are now though. Regional services often have counterparts in other areas thanks to recent government initiatives and most work collaboratively. Be patient while you take your turn in the long queue and while they assess YOUR needs. Miracles don’t tend to happen instantaneously for the disadvantaged of any ilk. Regrettably, they are all to accustomed to having to wait their turn in such queues.

BASE British Association for Supported Employment
base-uk.org/information-jobseekers

Extremely useful sources of help

Action for Blind People

www.actionforblindpeople.org.uk
Apprenticeships

www.apprenticeships.org.uk

Central London Connexions (young people)

www.centrallondonconnexions.org.uk

Clacks Supported Employment Services (Scotland)

www.clacksweb.org.uk/social

Crisis (for homeless people)

www.crisis.org.uk/pages/crisis-employment-services

Ellingham (for learning disabilities)

www.ellingham.org.uk

Enterprise Lab

www.enterpriselab.co.uk

IAS Imagine, Act & Succeed (Learning Disabilities)

www.imagineactandsucceed.co.uk/Services/Supported-Employment

Into Work (Scotland)

www.intowork.org.uk/services

Jobsteps

www.jobsteps.org

Keysteps (mental health or learning disabilities)

www.pembrokeshire-frame.org.uk/keysteps

Leonard Cheshire Disability

www.lcdisability.org

National Autism Society

www.autism.org.uk/prospects

Norwood

www.norwood.org.uk/What-we-do/adult-services/employment-service

Optalis

www.optalis.org/welcome/community-support/supported-employment

Princes Trust (which also helps with people over 50 wanting to start a business)

www.princes-trust.org.uk

Pure Innovations Ltd

www.pureinnovations.co.uk

Queen Elizabeth's Foundation

http://qef.org.uk

RBLI (Armed Forces)

www.rbli.co.uk/employment_solutions

Remploy (for disabled people)

www.remploy.co.uk/employment-services

Richmond Fellowship

www.richmondfellowship.org.uk

Royal Association for Deaf People

www.royaldeaf.org.uk/advocacy-and-employment

Scope (for disabled people)

www.scope.org.uk/services/employment-service

Stepping Stones

www.stepping-stones-coaching.com

The Shaw Trust

www.shaw-trust.org.uk/home

Turning Point

www.turning-point.co.uk

United Response

www.unitedresponse.org.uk/what-we-do/supported-employment

Youth Employment Network

www.ilo.org/public/english/employment

Other Employment Adviser Services

Ah yes, other employment adviser services... what a can of worms. While on benefits I have test driven a couple of these and while they can and often are very good for some, again the attitude of one fix cures all is er... less than helpful not to mention archiac. Aside from the National Skills Council, whose website leaves a lot to be desired when I last looked at it but otherwise they were superb, I applied to most of the following companies for a job as an employment adviser. I was rejected by all of them and not even short-listed for interview by any despite being supported with the applications! The feedback when they bothered to give me any was interesting...

“We don’t employ from our service users, past or present” and “we didn’t feel you had any relevant qualifications or experience.” and “You don’t have any recruitment qualifications.”

The latter is quite right, I don’t. What I have is real life experience of hiring, firing and disciplinary procedures as a manager who employed people. Evidently that is totally irrelevant to the real world of employment despite having done so as nearly my very first job. This is not to say qualifications are unnecessary (I myself have teaching, BSL and counselling qualifications to name a few - again no possible use to the unemployed needing help and to learn new skills), but... qualifications are not always necessary as I have found when I have employed people. Attitude and aptitude for me have always been far more important as an employer especially if you have to unpick bad habits from bad training. Silly me for even bothering to try to be an employment advisor – I mean it’s not as if I could come up with a more comprehensive list than any of those I test drove have to date is it? 

What is even more worrying is that by rejecting candidates from their service users none of them can claim to offer a particularly good service and yet most of them are paid £14,000 per service user from the government for providing it last time I checked. They are not even trying to endorse their own services and often do not even follow their own advice with regard to providing feedback. These are facts and the thing about facts is that you can never argue with them. I sincerely hope this blog will go some way to instigate much needed reforms as I don’t know about anyone else, but I am rather weary of con-merchants giving good companies a bad name. As ever I won’t name and shame individual companies as it’s up to them to figure out solutions for their faults and as mentioned not all of them are con-merchants - they might have changed or are changing their ways already. Try them, complain if need be and move on to try another is all I can suggest.

When unemployed, you haven’t the time to campaign – except to add your name to petitions that already exist. Only when employed, do people bother to rate you as worthy of holding an opinion... even if you’ve been a highly successful CEO but for health or other reasons... tough you won't be heard if you're not working. So... good luck. DO hop on a search engine for more ‘employment adviser services’ to find more links.

Top of the list this time is a government funded operation, because they do try extremely hard to help... despite appearances and many an error. No one can correct errors if they are not logically, lucidly and calmly reported. Yes, I know I am struggling with that again... I wonder why!

National Skills Service

www.nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk

A4e Scotland
www.a4escotland.co.uk

A4e Wales

www.a4ewales.co.uk

AGAS

www.agcas.org.uk

Bedford Training Group

www.btg.org.uk

Career recruit

www.careerrecruit.co.uk

EAS Employment Advisory Specialists

www.eas-challis.co.uk

F10

www.f10.co.uk

Fusion People

www.fusionpeople.com

Ingeus UK Ltd

www.ingeus.co.uk

Kennedy Scott
www.kennedyscott.co.uk

Learning Links

www.learninglinks.co.uk/services-for-adults

Morgan Hunt

www.morganhunt.com

NASES (support for students)

www.nases.org.uk

SEETEC

www.seetec.co.uk

Spirit Resourcing

www.spiritresourcing.com

Spring Personnel

www.springpersonnel.com

Student Employment Services

www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk

Workplace Options

www.workplaceoptions.co.uk

GOOD NEWS!

Things are changing rapidly so new companies and organisations are emerging all the time among charities, social enterprises, (including CICs) and among social firms which specialise in helping every kind of disadvantaged person gain paid employment or voluntary work of some kind. There are so many of them popping up now that it is nigh on impossible to keep track of them... unless the government can help by providing us with a directory of all of them at some point. (Good luck to the admin team on that one as that’s no easy or quick undertaking!)

Conclusion

As ALL unemployed people are highly intelligent I am sure that by some means or another they will be able to find all the NEW services that are emerging that I have spotted and started to follow on twitter. Twitter is a font of knowledge, some pleasing some alarming. Be selective in what you seek as it is the best source I know of for spotting new initiatives to continuously to those I follow almost daily. As before, this Jobsite list is only a starting point. I’ve worked with the disadvantaged one way or another most of my life now – there’s not one of them that cannot achieve what THEY WANT given the time and support.

Much depends on where they are on their journey as to the level of support they require as well as what exactly it is that they choose to explore or do with their lives. Same for everyone isn’t it? Well, no actually it isn’t because while all the principles and laws are there to help... access and people’s ability to function remains largely restrictive for the most vulnerable people of all. A few people make it but way too many slip through all the safety nets there are to prevent it happening. To fight for your rights from that position is arguably the MOST stressful thing anyone could ever think of trying. 

Well done to those how have done so thus far. Some have died in their attempts already. Would that we had seen the back of all that by now, but at least we are overall, heading in the right direction at last. Delays for me are always caused by dealing with numpties and the unenlightened. I have a new policy for dealing with them... I have resolved to not give them my time anymore... seems fair when they studiously avoid giving me theirs. If they don’t like it, well... they shouldn’t dish it out! Simple as. That's how I was brought up to deal with bullies.

I can forgive mistakes when people own up to making them, but otherwise... forget it if they are that determined to repeat them ad infinitum to the detriment and suffering of others which in many cases is wholly avoidable.

I hope my meagre efforts trigger greater ones from you!

PS: Perhaps now I can get back to MY chosen creative endeavours to help people in the first instance find their voice. Updates later, after I and my family have dealt with my medical results. Hence, why I am supremely disinterested in debts, creditors, or profit and loss figures just now. Sorry and all that but deal with it... I don't have the choice.