Sunday, 10 January 2016

Silly Sunday: Comedy Scripts and books

Aside from The Tourist Guide to an Un-united Kingdom the WildeHeads team of busy bees have been busy sending sketches to the BBC under the title of 'What Sane People Say' and are also working on witty ways to help medical staff remember how to function in times of national crisis. Can't think why.

The result is another forthcoming product, due for release initially in book for FOR medical staff themselves FIRST, i.e. Limited edition by application... yeah, we're working on that, we'll get back to you on the how that will work!

The title of the book will be, eventually... 



'THE NOTIONAL HEALTH SERVICE'


And here, for you delectation and delight is a sneak sample preview... we hope you enjoy it.

The ABC of Modern Medicine (among other things...)
Dr Cameron: Dr Finlay quick!

Dr Finlay: What is it, doctor Cameron.

Dr Cameron: It’s a dying person Dr Finlay, haven’t I shown you before laddie?

Dr Finlay: Aye yer have Dr Cameron, but nay like this one.

Dr Cameron: But I have Doctor Finlay, do ye not remember it was on that fishing trip that summer during the war.

Dr Finlay: But we had so many fishing trips during the war Dr Cameron, can ye not help me out a wee bit and be a bit more specific?

Dr Cameron: Well I can try Dr Cameron, I can try... Now wait a minute, let me see now... it wasn’t the month in 1941 one when an unusual number of bluebirds were flying over to the white cliffs of Dover... it was definitely sunny, or was it? Winter... no... no..

Dr Finlay: Would it help if I asked Janet to step in, she might remember...

Dr Cameron: Aye that’s not a bad idea Dr Finlay, perhaps she could make a wee brew as that might help...

Dr Finlay: Right you are...

Dr Cameron: But Dr Finlay!

Dr Finlay: Yes, what is it?

Dr Cameron: I told you before it stands for Information Technology Doc Finlay, but that’s nay important reet now...but what I was about to say was speak softly just in case the woman is preparing one of her souffl├ęs again. We don’t want another emergency of that kind to deal with again now do we?

Dr Finlay: Aye. No. I see yer point.

Janet: Far be it for me to tell you your business now doctors and you know I don’t like to interfere... but are you sure yon patient is ok... only they’re looking a wee bit peaky to me.

Dr Finlay: My God! Doctor Cameron she’s right.

Dr Cameron: Think man, thank.

Janet: I’ll away and wash the dishes then... is there anything else now doctors, like perhaps a thank you?

Dr Cameron: Not now Janet, can’t you see we’re busy?

Dr Finlay: Perhaps if you can just, ooo I don’t know though...

Dr Cameron: No say it Doctor Finlay, say it.

Dr Finlay: Well I was just thinking... of perhaps a dram of the 40 year old scotch from Kinloss might be...

Dr Cameron: An excellent suggestion... Janet could you possibly... only it would round off what has to be the most superlatives of meals from your own fair hands ever...

Janet: Say no more, I’ll away and fetch it, but mind... a spot of work first I think is only fair and I don’t think I’ve seen a patient go quite that colour before.

Dr Finlay: My God! Doctor Cameron she’s right again.

Dr Cameron: Think man, think.

Janet: Are your heads too full of food now that can’t remember your ABCs anymore?

Dr Cameron: But of course Dr Finlay... that’s it... er now can you remember which order they had to be in Janet?

Dr Finlay: I’m still no sure we’re always right that they’re in the right order...

Dr Cameron: Janet, you explain...

Janet: A is for Airway

Dr Cameron: Yes, yes... er for Dr Finlay’s benefit Janet, can you be so good as to elucidate a wee bit more before fetching a bottle of the 60 year old

Dr Finlay: I thought I said 40 year old but you’re right as always Dr Cameron the 60 year malt would be even better.

Janet: Are you sure now gentleman?

Dr Cameron: Well now let me see... what else have we got...

Janet: How about you leave me to my job and you get on with yours for a change?

Dr Finlay: Aye... she’s right. Now where were we, Janet can you remind me?

Janet: I believe you were up to B which is for Breathing.

Dr Cameron: Thank you Janet. And if you’d be so kind as to remind the good Dr Finlay was C stands for I think we’ll have sorted this in time for a another pot of tea, if you’d be so good Janet. Perhaps with some of your homemade Dundee cake if there’s any left from last night.

Janet: There is Dr Cameron. And I think you’ll find C stands for Circulation. Oh now look at the time... I’ll away and make the tea.

(Janet exits)

Dr Finlay: Aye now I remember but I’m still stuck I’m afraid. Airway, Breathing and Circulation... it doesn’t exactly give me enough to go on. Are you any the wiser Dr Cameron?

Dr Cameron: No, not a bit of it, man. Why do ye think I asked her for another pot of tea?

Dr Finlay: Ahhh. No wonder you’re the senior partner. Will I ever get to be as good as you?


Dr Cameron: Away with ye man... you just stick with me and you’ll be over taking me in no time.

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